I’ve always wondered if Suzanne Summer’s Thigh Master thingy worked so I went out to look for one.
STOP LAUGHING. Just. Stop.
But, I couldn’t find one. Are we all thinking about bathing suit season at the same exact time?
I did see something similar to it though. I don’t remember what the name of it is because I threw out the packaging and since it was only ten dollars, there’s no name printed directly on it. It’s shaped like a wide V and you’re supposed to put it between your knees somewhere and push it closed using those pain in the butt, almost non-existent poor excuses for inner thigh muscles. I tried it once. It kept slipping and I was afraid it’d pop out at break neck speed and kill the cat. She kept looking at me all like, ‘I know you’re not trying to kill me right? ‘Cause I will slice you up when you’re sleeping. That’s right, you heard me. And besides, it’s a waste of time. The only way those things will ever tighten up is if you pin them from behind or hack them off.’
If you knew my cat, you’d know she meant business. She doesn’t play.
Into the garbage it goes.